


Self Sabotage

by naRK800



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Detroit: Evolution
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Nines, Detroit Evolution, Gavin Reed Being an Asshole, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Soft Gavin Reed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23628760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naRK800/pseuds/naRK800
Summary: Set in the world of Detroit Evolution.Gavin and Nines discover they aren't on the same page when it comes to confessions
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 32
Kudos: 232
Collections: Detroit Evolution Works by naRK800





	1. Chapter One | Gavin Reed is a fucking idiot

“Good morning, Gavin.”

The apartment was full of the smell of fried eggs. Gavin looked over from the stove as Nines let himself in, tipping his chin up at him in greeting. His eyes fell to the takeaway coffee held in his hand, and he looked back at the stove with an incredibly pleased expression he tried to hide from Nines. 

“Mornin’, Tincan.”

“If you’d waited for me to come home from getting coffee, you know i would have been happy to make your breakfast for you,” Nines said as he made his way over. He placed Gavin’s coffee beside the stove, and then loosely wrapped his arms around his waist as he watched Gavin cook.

“First of all, we’ve got coffee in the kitchen,” Gavin said, pretending to ignore him. “And I’ve lived alone for over a decade, Nines. I know how to fry some damn eggs. But you can put the toast on, if that’s what gets you off.”

“I know,” Nines admitted, resting his cheek against Gavin’s temple. “But you prefer the taste of barista made coffee, and i prefer your company when you get what you want.”

“Yeah?” Gavin grinned, setting down the spatula and turning in Nines’ arms. He was nose-to-nose with him, and his gaze shifted from Nines’ eyes, to his mouth, then back up again. “Well, the coffee’s nice and all, but i could think of a few other things i’d like more.”

“A few?”

“Stop splitting hairs and fucking kiss me, asshole,” Gavin laughed, his thumb running over Nines’ cheek. Gavin sighed into the kiss when Nines finally met him for it. He melted into it, and slid his fingers into the short hairs at the back of Nines’ head. His affection was so addictive. Gavin could rarely stop at just one kiss, not when they were alone. It always turned into two, which stretched into a third. 

“Gavin, your eggs are burning,” Nines whispered. 

“I’ve got more eggs, Nines,” Gavin murmured in turn. 

“You’re going to scorch the pan.”

“Who  _ cares _ …?”

Vaguely, Gavin noticed Nines reach out to turn off the gas. It made him huff out another laugh and roll his eyes, but his expression was stuck in a wide grin when he caught the white of Nines’ fingers in the corner of his eye. His eyes slid closed when Nines scritched up the stubble of his jaw, and he let out a pleased hum as he tipped his head to one side. It was tender, and sweet - two ingredients to a relationship Gavin had always gone without, and was learning were his favourite flavours. 

As Nines pressed their foreheads together, Gavin tilted his face up a little, asking for another kiss. He was given a small one, and that was okay - he was learning he didn’t mind those, either. 

Nines murmured something that Gavin didn’t catch, sighing as he said it. And so Gavin grinned and looped an arm around him, returning one of those small kisses Nines gave earlier. 

“Speak up, asshole. We don’t all have android hearing,” he teased.

“I said i love you,” Nines sighed again. “ _ So much _ , Gavin…”

Gavin froze. His throat closed up as he tried to swallow, and couldn’t. His breath caught in his lungs, his blood went  _ cold _ , and of all the things to happen at a confession of love,  _ panic _ surged through Gavin so viciously it made his ears ring. He didn’t dare move. He had no idea what else Nines would say if he did. 

“Gavin?” Nines pulled back a little, and tucked his chin a little so he could see Gavin’s face. Gavin in turn looked down, and hid it from him. “Is everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Gavin snapped at him, immediately regretting his tone. He glanced up at Nines, and then to the side, rubbing his hands on the back of his sweatpants. Nines didn’t say anything at first, which was worse than him talking. Gavin could feel his eyes staring at him, his shoulders scrunching up and inching closer to his ears. “Stop fucking scanning me, Nines!” 

“Gavin, what’s wrong?” Nines asked softly, when Gavin had so desperately hoped he’d yell so he could yell back. “Why did that upset you so much?”

“I’m not upset!” Gavin exploded, stepping back and looking at Nines, whose eyebrows had furrowed up and together. His LED was red, and he looked like Gavin had slapped him. Gavin felt much the same way. He felt like the walls were closing in on him. The air felt too thick to breathe, his skin felt too tight. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t function. He needed Nines to leave, but all he did was step closer. 

“ _ Gavin _ . What is going on?!” Nines asked gently, reaching out for him -- and that was all it took for Gavin to lurch backwards, and almost take the pan of eggs with him. The pan rattled on the stove as Gavin staggered back, his teeth bared and his breathing shallow. 

“ _ Back off, Nines! Leave me alone!”  _ Gavin yelled, smacking Nines’ hand away. “What the  _ fuck _ do you know?” Gavin laughed, backing up more at the hurt, appalled, and confused expression on Nines’ face. 

“We confessed our feelings months ago, you already know how i felt about you!” Nines pointed out, his voice finally raising. “What’s the problem? Buyers remorse, Gavin?” 

“Shut up!”

“No. I refuse to be in a relationship where conflict resolution is bookended with verbal abuse. Stop  _ yelling _ at me and  _ talk _ to me! Why are you so upset?!” Nines continued, his voice still raised, but pleading as well. 

“Get out of my fucking house.” 

“This happens to be my house now, too, Gavin. Talk to me!” 

“Go to hell!” Gavin snarled. He turned, and crossed his apartment in what felt like three strides. He slammed his bedroom door behind himself and stood in the doorway shaking. His hand lifted to cover his eyes, and he inhaled shakily, and exhaled around an emphatic, “ _ fuck…” _ Over and over, Gavin pulled in a trembling breath and released it around a cuss, squeezing his temples hard enough to give himself a mild headache. 

It was bound to happen eventually - the day he blew it. Gavin knew there wasn’t any coming back from this one. And what made it worse, is that every time Gavin replayed Nines’ blissfully sighed words, he wanted to have a telenova breakdown. Gavin’s hand slipped down from his eyes to cover his mouth, trying to muffle how heavy his breathing was. How the hell did he untangle his thoughts long enough to explain to Nines how he felt? After how he’d acted, why should Nines even care? He’d blown it. He’d come  _ so close _ , he’d had it so good, and he’d gone and fucked it up. Just like always. 


	2. Chapter Two | Gavin Reed Is A Gaping Wound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin's past is the reason for his actions, but not an excuse.

Nines was very proud of himself for not checking Gavin’s phone location in order to find him. Work had been tense all day, they’d barely spoken to one another, which culminated in Gavin leaving the office without a word to Nines. Chris noticed, Tina noticed. There was likely hardly a soul in the bullpen who hadn’t noticed. 

Gavin’s car was missing, which narrowed down the list of possible locations. He and Gavin were both creatures of habit. Nines knew where Gavin went in Detroit because he was often by his side when he went to them, and unless he was just driving aimlessly - something else Gavin sometimes did while thinking - there were only so many places he could be. 

Nines found Gavin parked beneath Ambassador Bridge overlooking the river, right as the sun dipped beneath the horizon and turned the sky indigo blue. It wasn’t too far from where the old Jericho location used to be, before the old freighter was sunk in the harbour. CyberLife tower could be seen lighting up Belle Isle and illuminating part of the river.

Without asking permission, Nines walked up to the passenger side door and got in, causing Gavin to jump. He was smoking out the rolled down window, and looked around at Nines as he got situated. 

“We need to talk,” Nines said sharply, glancing over at him. Gavin looked away, taking a drag of his cigarette before blowing it out the window. 

“No shit,” Gavin muttered, flicking ash. “You here to dump me? Don’t monologue, just cut to the chase so we can get it over with…” 

“What? No, of course i’m not here to dump you. But i am angry with you.”

Gavin nodded slowly, and Nines couldn’t help but notice that his forced calm shattered, and Gavin’s pulse skyrocketed. He watched him take another slow drag of his cigarette, suck on his teeth, and then let it go. The whole thing was performative, and obviously designed to stall time. 

“What we have-- this thing we’ve got? I don’t wanna ruin it.”

“How would being in love with you possibly ruin…  _ anything _ , Gavin?” Nines breathed, leaning in a little closer. “What we have - this thing we’ve got? We’re just getting started...”

Gavin didn’t say anything. He just swallowed, and took another drag, holding the smoke in his lungs before releasing it through his nose and mouth. It made him cough, but that also gave him an excuse to keep his face turned away. 

“Gavin?” Nines’ voice was gentle and pleading. “If it’s too fast for you, if you can’t say the words back,  _ that’s okay _ , we don’t have--”

“No,” Gavin barked, then cleared his throat as he shook his head. “Nope, no, that’s not--”

Nines looked at him with furrowed brows as he waited for him to finish, but it became clear that Gavin wasn’t going to. Nines watched him take a drag, and met his eye when Gavin glanced in his direction again. 

“We need to resolve this, or else it’s going to hang like a guillotine between us,” Nines said quietly. “I don’t want to be in a relationship where we can’t communicate what’s wrong with one another. We don’t have to do this now, but when you come back home--”

“ _ God!” _ Gavin slammed his head back against the headrest, and used the hand leaning on the car windowsill to shield his eyes. “I dunno! I don’t know what’s wrong!” Gavin yelled. “You said the damn L word and i just needed to get out. It felt like i was suffocating, like i was gonna puke, i couldn’t fucking breathe…”

“Hearing me say i love you made you feel sick?” Nines asked, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice. 

“No! Fuck, no. Not like that,” Gavin’s gaze lifted anxiously to Nines’ face. “It’s like… Like when you’re getting called into the bosses office and you know you’re getting fired, or when you pick up the phone and it’s from the hospital. It’s like this… this  _ dread _ , cause you know something good’s gonna end and you don’t want to hear it…”

Nines let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes, his lips trembling a little as he composed himself. When he opened them again, they were full of determination. 

“You think that me loving you will cause me to open doors to parts of you i don’t want to see,” Nines stated quietly. Gavin didn’t reply, but the way he avoided Nines’ eye was confirmation enough. “But it’s more than that. Every time those doors have been opened in the past, the person on the other side has disappointed you, or abandoned you, or hurt you in some way. They’ve rejected you. So you learned to reject them first; put out the embers before they can become a blaze that burns you.” Nines watched as Gavin started to curl in on himself, and ached to reach out and touch him. His cigarette was nothing but ash, but Gavin held onto it like a lifeline and used it as his excuse to stay turned towards the window. 

“Damn, you got all that from a scan?” Gavin asked roughly when he finally broke his silence. 

“From paying attention to you for eighteen months, actually,” Nines rebutted. He fell silent, waiting for Gavin to either say something, or get out of the car. 

“I don’t know what the hell my problem is,” Gavin said with a hollow laugh. He flicked the butt of his cigarette out the car window, and ran a hand over his face, looking down at his lap as he flicked his lighter cap open and closed. “My whole damn life i’ve wanted to hear those words said to me like that.  _ Just like that _ . With all that longing and puppydog charm. I used to lay in bed, fuckin...” Gavin let out a heavy sigh, his expression miserable as he tipped his head back against the headrest again. “I used to fuckin fantasise about it. Someone i loved loving me back, and meaning it. And then it happened, and… i dunno, Nines…”

Nines watched as Gavin smacked another cigarette out of the packet. Any other time he would have scolded him for it. Smoking one after the other was a surefire way of picking up a chainsmokers dependence on nicotine, but just this once, Nines let it go. Gavin seemed to use the motion of putting the stick in his mouth, lighting, inhaling, then exhaling, to sort through his thoughts. They both said nothing at all throughout the routine. 

“You’re not always gonna be here, Tincan.  _ I’m such a piece of shit. _ Sure, you think it’s cute now, but you haven’t been here long, you’re only a year and a bit old, and you’re gonna find someone someday that isn’t such a fuckin  _ prick-- _ ”

“Gavin.”

“--who’s gonna treat you better right from the start. We’ve got something  _ so good _ right now, but it never fuckin’ lasts with me and--”

“Gavin, look at me.” Nines’ voice was gentle, but stern. He reached out and cradled Gavin’s jaw, and ignored the way Gavin looked as though he were about to climb out the car window as he turned Gavin’s face towards him. “I know exactly how much of a prick you are. I’ve been pierced on each and every one of your spines, i’ve seen all the dirt you use to keep yourself hidden and heard all the foul words you use to push others away. It is  _ insulting _ for you to imply that i can’t make my own decisions. It is disrespectful for you to imply i have the intuition of a child. We’ve had this conversation before, and i will repeat it a thousand times if i need to - I like you, Gavin Reed, rough edges included,” Nines murmured, giving Gavin’s stubble a pointed brush with his thumb. Gavin looked on the verge of tears, and still a second away from climbing out the car window. And so Nines sighed, and gingerly edged his fingers to soothe through Gavin’s hair. 

“I dunno how to do this, Nines,” Gavin whispered. “I dunno what i’m doing.”

Nines smiled a little sympathetically, and leaned forwards until their foreheads were pressed together. “Neither do i. But we’ve done a good job so far, in my opinion.”

Gavin let out a strangled breath of air that was supposed to be a laugh, and grabbed onto his shoulder, then the back of Nines’ neck. “What if i fuck it up?”

“Then we communicate,” Nines said firmly. “ _ Talk _ to me, Gavin. It’s the only way. You going from calm to a raging bull won’t resolve anything. It isn’t my responsibility to pick up the pieces and guess why you’re upset every single time. And i don’t deserve to be treated that way.” 

“Yeah,” Gavin said, quiet and rough. “Yeah, you don’t.”

“And?”

“You’re really gonna fuckin’ milk this, huh?” Gavin’s eyes rolled with a sigh. “ _ And _ i’m sorry. Okay?”

Nines gave a very satisfied hum, and shifted a little, asking for a kiss. Instead of meeting him for it, Gavin swallowed hard and squeezed the back of Nines’ neck. Nines waited, lightly brushing his thumb back and forth across Gavin’s jaw, and smiled a little when Gavin spoke again. 

“Like i was saying, uh… I dunno what i’m doing. And i… Maybe i’ll fuck it up, i dunno. I’ve never, uh-- well, i mean i  _ thought _ i did, with other people before i met you, but thinking back i don’t--” Gavin dipped his face, swallowing again and trying to pull in enough air to breathe. His hands were shaking, his ears were ringing, and he felt stuck in place - unwilling to back out, and unable to step forwards. “I think-- i’m pretty sure, i-- i’m trying to tell you--  _ fuck!” _

A ball of nerves, Gavin broke away from Nines and ran his hands over his face. Digging the heel of his palms into his eyes, Gavin tilted his face up to the ceiling and let out an angry groan at himself. 

“I love you!  _ Nines. _ Is what i’m tryna say, god fucking damn. I love you too.  _ Fuck _ .” 

Nines’ eyebrows raised, having all but settled on waiting  _ years _ before those words left Gavin’s mouth. He didn’t need to breathe, but he was breathless all the same. He let out a laugh as he smiled, his eyes pricking with hot tears.

“You hate me,” Nines said with utter adoration, huffing another laugh at the confused look Gavin turned and gave him. When it clicked, Gavin tipped his head back with a groan, his shoulders loosening with relief, before reaching over and giving Nines’ arm a firm shove. 

“Shut the fuck up, smartass,” Gavin said thickly, leaning across the console and pulling Nines into a kiss. Nines knew this wasn’t the last of Gavin’s hidden walls. He knew any and all of them that he pushed through could be built back up again depending on Gavin’s mood. Some things could be unravelled and soothed, and others were best just left alone. This wasn’t the last of their fights when Nines picked at old wounds Gavin had tried to bury. But Nines was determined to soothe as many as Gavin would permit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was very tricky to write. Reed900's entire foundation is on a verbal abuse enemies-to-lovers dynamic. I wanted to explore what that might be like once they enter a relationship. Gavin is not going to magically stop being a mouthy asshole with a bad temper, but how do you twist that into a story that portrays a healthy relationship? I hope that my portrayal of Nines demanding respect while also showing respect gives you the tools to do the same? I dunno stay safe kids i love you.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Please watch Detroit Evolution on the Octopunk page on YouTube if you haven't already  
> Nines is played by @MaximilianKoger  
> Gavin is played by @ChrisDTrindade  
> Detroit Evolution was crafted by @ladytuono
> 
> Please remember that this fic is about the Reed900 ship. Kindly do NOT ship Chris and Maximilian together.
> 
> Find me on twitter - @MutualTrust2038
> 
> A cheeky comment would make my heart warm <3

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be a one-shot, but i thought it could be interesting to write part 2 from Nines' POV. 
> 
> At first i was worried that Gavin's meltdown was too similar to his in-movie meltdown. And then i decided i didn't care xD
> 
> It was a LOT of fun to write this. I tried to keep Maximilian's voice in my head while writing Nines. I'm so used to writing this couple a specific way that writing them juuuust to the left a little was a lot of fun. 
> 
> I'm not sure on the Ao3 rules for posting links so:
> 
> Please watch Detroit Evolution on the Octopunk page on YouTube if you haven't already  
> Nines is played by Maximilian Koger  
> Gavin is played by Chris Trindade  
> Detroit Evolution was crafted by Michelle Iannantuono
> 
> Find me on twitter - @MutualTrust2038
> 
> A cheeky comment would make my heart warm <3


End file.
